Dr. Neill Neill

Some people view change as positive. Some people view it as negative. The fact of the matter is we all experience change at one point or another. So, why do we try to resist change?

Around the end of August I went on a solo motorcycle journey to the southern Yukon and back. That always clears my head. Then Eileen and I circumnavigated the Olympic Peninsula by car. Road trips are good! Home again in the quiet aftermath, I got a big flash about change…

Dr. Neill Neill

The blossoms and flowers are out in their full magnificence in Victoria B.C. where I was yesterday. I feasted my eyes on the flowering trees lining the streets and the daffodils. Back home a camelia is blooming in our own yard. I have always loved to drink in the energy of blooms.

 

Back in the sixties and early seventies, we had the "flower children," a synonym for the hippies. Idealistic young people would wear flowers in their hair as a symbol of love and peace. Their slogan was "flower power" which stood for non-violence in the face of the Viet Nam war. The flower children exerted a powerful influence on society. Those were the days of Woodstock and Easy Rider.

Dr. Neill Neill

 

When two people are in close sync with each other, they often give little hints of their close connection. For example, they complete each other’s sentences. Such mind reading, tuning in to an intimate partner’s thoughts, is fun, but usually fleeting.

 

Then one day your partner makes several wrong guesses. You are frustrated, not with his failure to read your mind, but with his failure to listen to you as you try to explain something. He was too busy trying to come up with the right word to hear what you were saying. Then it begins to dawn on you that you aren’t listening either; you are fumbling with his thoughts, rather than listening to his words.

 

In any long-term relationship, a million things can come along to interrupt communication… babies, work, illness, in-laws… Every such interruption increases the need for clear verbal communication between you. It is unfortunate that this increasing need for clear verbal communication often comes at a time when you think you know each other quite well and don’t need to talk things out as much.

Dr. Neill Neill

Have you ever noticed that as you grow older in a relationship, each partner changes? Sometimes the change is internal brought on by a great external change in your relationship—like the birth of a new baby. Do you notice that your partner has changed? Or do you still view them as they were when you first got together?

Jane and John seem to be at an impasse…

Dr. Neill Neill

 

If you want to be at the top of your game, you must close cycles. The principles apply to your career, your marriage and your life. Overwhelm is a consequence of having too many open cycles.

 

A cycle begins with an intention, is followed by action and is closed by the fulfillment of that intention. I intend to eat broccoli with dinner, for example, so I wash some broccoli, cook it, serve it and, finally, close the cycle by fulfilling my intention to eat broccoli.

 

The example, of course is cycle within a larger cycle of eating a meal, and that is within a yet larger cycle of maintaining health. We call a cycle "open" the moment the intention exists. It stays open until the intention is fulfilled. Obviously, each of us has many cycles open at any moment in time.

Dr. Neill Neill

 

Good communication is the hallmark of a healthy relationship. However, communication often falters when one or both parties fail to take personality style into account, especially when making decisions. Guilty as charged…

 

One time I got a huge wake-up jolt. My wife said one day something like, "Let’s do _____ this weekend. This is what I would like to do. You usually make all the decisions."

Dr. Neill Neill

For many people the holidays involve quite a bit of food and beverage intake in the celebrations; yes, even excess. Then in January diets abound and gym memberships surge.

 

In our family, typically, everyone would eat too much in December and gain a few unwanted pounds. Then, come the New Year, the list of New Year’s resolutions would include losing weight through some form of diet and fitness program.

Dr Neill Neill

Food craving leads to consumption. Consumption leads to more food cravings. Alcohol craving and consumption works the same way.

 

‘Tis the season for eating, drinking and otherwise celebrating with others we are connected to. It can be a great time of enjoyment, love, generosity and generally good feelings.

 

Yes, good feelings accompany eating. And a great deal of time we eat for those good feelings associated with foods we ate in the past. We don’t need a second helping of turkey for the nutrition. We don’t eat that third mincemeat tart because we are hungry. We turn to these foods for the good feelings associated with them. And we end up eating too much.

Dr. Neill Neill

 

For most families the holiday season is an emotional time. Our young children make more demands upon us. Our adult children expect something of us. If our parents are alive, they may have expectations of us. Our friends may expect us to go shopping with them or go to parties—thus causing holiday stress!